Winders™ WV (West Virginia Edition)

These engineering and science tech-centric jokes, song parodies, anecdotes and assorted humor have been collected from friends and websites across the Internet. I check back occasionally for new fodder, but it seems all the old content is reappearing all over (like this is). The humor is light-hearted and clean and sometimes slightly assaultive to the easily-offended, so you are forewarned. It is all workplace-safe.

Humor #1, #2, #3

It has come to our attention that a few copies of the WINDERS 2005 WEST VIRGINIA EDITION may have accidentally been shipped outside of the STATE of WEST VIRGINIA.

If you have one of these, you may need help understanding the commands. The WEST VIRGINIA EDITION may be recognized by the unique opening screen. It reads: WINDERS 2005, with a background picture of Waylon and Willie superimposed on a bottle of Jack Daniels.

Please also note:

The Recycle Bin is labeled "Outhouse"

My Computer is called "This Dern Contraption"

Dial Up Networking is called "Good Ol' Boys"

Control Panel is known as "The Dashboard"

Hard Drive is referred to as "4-Wheel Drive"

Floppies are "Them little ol' plastic thangs"

Instead of an error message, "Duct Tape" pops up

CHANGES IN TERMINOLOGY IN WEST VIRGINIA EDITION:

Cancel............stopdat

Reset.............try'er agin

Yes...............yep

No................nope

Find..............hunt fer it

Go to.............over yonder

Back..............back yonder

Help..............hep me out here

Stop..............kwitit (WHOA!)

Start.............crank'er up

Settings..........settins

Programs......... stuff at duz stuff

Documents....... .stuff ah done did

Also note that the WEST VIRGINIA EDITION does not recognize capital letters or punctuation marks.

Some programs that are exclusive to WINDERS 2005:

Tiperiter..........................a word processing program

Colerin' Book..................a graphics program

Cyferin' Mersheen......calculator

Outhouse Paper.............notepad

Inner-Net.......................microsoft explorer 5.0

Pitchers............................a graphics viewer

Colering Book.................a graphics program

Addin Mershene...........calculator

Outhouse Paper ............notepad

Coon Dog...........................american kennel club records

Fishin..................................bass anglers sportsman society records

Truck.................................ford & chevrolet dealers by zip code

House................................nearest mobile home repair service by zip code

Cuzzins.............................family history (usually a 3 meg file)

Tax Records.................usually an empty file

Shells...............................ammunition inventory (another 3 meg file)

Bud....................................list of Budweiser dealers by zip code

Racin................................NASCAR racing schedule

Parts................................nearest junk yard by zip code doc

We regret any inconvenience it may have caused. If you received a copy of the WEST VIRGINIA EDITION, you may return it to Microsoft for a replacement version.

I hope this helps all y'all!

Billy Bob Gates

...thanks to Steve for sending this one!