Technology Axioms

These engineering and science tech-centric jokes, song parodies, anecdotes and assorted humor have been collected from friends and websites across the Internet. I check back occasionally for new fodder, but it seems all the old content is reappearing all over (like this is). The humor is light-hearted and clean and sometimes slightly assaultive to the easily-offended, so you are forewarned. It is all workplace-safe.

Humor #1, #2, #3

Technology Axioms

Never trust results you get on a Friday afternoon until you can repeat the results on a Monday morning¹.
You can never tell which way the train went by looking at the track.
Logic is a systematic method of coming to the wrong conclusion with confidence.
An expert is one who knows more and more about less and less until he knows absolutely everything about nothing.
Tell a man there are 300 billion stars in the universe and he'll believe you. Tell him a bench has wet paint on it and he'll have to touch to be sure.
All great discoveries are made by mistake.
Nothing ever gets built on schedule or within budget.
A meeting is an event at which the minutes are kept and the hours are lost.
A failure will not appear till a unit has passed final inspection.
Some people manage by the book, even though they don't know who wrote the book or even what book.
The primary function of the design engineer is to make things difficult for the fabricator and impossible for the serviceman.
To spot the expert, pick the one who predicts the job will take the longest and cost the most.
After all is said and done, a hell of a lot more is said than done.
Any circuit design must contain at least one part which is obsolete, two parts which are unobtainable and three parts which are still under development.
If mathematically you end up with the incorrect answer, try multiplying by the page number.
Computers are unreliable, but humans are even more unreliable. Any system which depends on human reliability is unreliable.
If you can't understand it, it is intuitively obvious.
Fill what's empty. Empty what's full. And scratch where it itches.
If it's not in the computer, it doesn't exist.
When all else fails, read the instructions.
If there is a possibility of several things going wrong the one that will cause the most damage will be the one to go wrong.
Everything that goes up must come down.
Any instrument when dropped will roll into the least accessible corner.
If you build a system that even a fool can use, then only a fool will want to use it.
If it jams, try to force it. If it breaks, it probably needed to be replaced anyway.
Matter will be damaged in direct proportion to its value.

1. Thanks to Michael M. for this one - 3/8/2010