 These engineering and science tech-centric
jokes, song parodies, anecdotes and assorted humor have been collected from friends
and websites across the Internet. I check back occasionally for new fodder, but
it seems all the old content is reappearing all over (like this is). The humor is
light-hearted and clean and sometimes slightly assaultive to the easily-offended,
so you are forewarned. It is all workplace-safe.
Humor #1,
#2, #3
Ever wonder why golf is growing in
popularity and why people who don't even play go to tournaments or watch it on TV? The following truisms may shed
some light:
- Golf is an honorable game, with the overwhelming majority of players being honorable people who don't need
referees.
- Golfers don't have some of their players in jail every week.
- Golfers don't kick dirt on, or throw bottles at, other people.
- Professional golfers are paid in direct proportion to how well they play.
- Golfers don't get per diem and two seats on a charter flight when they travel between tournaments.
- Golfers don't hold out for more money, or demand new contracts, because of another player's deal.
-
Professional golfers don't demand that the taxpayers pay for the courses on which they play.
- When golfers make a mistake, nobody is there to cover for them or back them.
- The PGA raises more money for charity in 1 year than the NFL does in 2.
- You can watch the best golfers in the world up close, at any tournament, including the majors, all day every
day for $25 or $30. The cost for even a nosebleed seat at the Super Bowl costs around $300 or more unless you
buy it from scalpers in which case it's $1,000+.
- You can bring a picnic lunch to the tournament golf course, watch the best in the world and not spend a
small fortune on food and drink. Try that at one of the taxpayer funded baseball or football stadiums. If you
bring a soft drink into a ballpark, they'll give you two options -- get rid of it or leave.
- In golf you cannot fail 70% of the time and make $9 million a season, like the best baseball hitters (.300
batting average) do.
- Golf doesn't change its rules to attract fans.
- Golfers have to adapt to an entirely new playing area each week.
- Golfers keep their clothes on while they are being interviewed.
- Golf doesn't have free agency.
- In their prime, Palmer, Norman, and other stars, would shake your hand and say they were happy to meet you.
In his prime Jose Canseco wore T-shirts that read "Leave Me Alone."
- You can hear birds chirping on the golf course during a tournament.
- At a golf tournament, (unlike at taxpayer-funded sports stadiums and arenas) you won't hear a steady stream
of four letter words and nasty name calling while you're hoping that no one spills beer on you.
- Tiger hits a golf ball over twice as far as Barry Bonds hits a baseball.
- Golf courses don't ruin the neighborhood.
And finally a little slice of golf history that you might enjoy. Why do golf courses have 18 holes - not 20,
or 10, or an even dozen? During a discussion among the club's membership board at St. Andrews in 1858, a senior
member pointed out that it takes exactly 18 shots to polish off a fifth of Scotch. By limiting himself to only one
shot of Scotch per hole, the Scot figured a round of golf was finished when the Scotch ran out. ---thanks
to Steve for supplying this one |